Happy on Holloween....

I havent bloged in 10 days.... the last entry kind knocked the wind out of my sails.. See Brush-off With Greatness. I also have be using the message boards to talk to the gang from NJ. So for the past 18 months I have been living out my life long dream of being a standup comic. Time to reflect. A few weeks ago I was in a very competitive contest in the Village. I had made it into the semifinals and then moved on to the finals. I make no bones about the fact that the very best part of being in the contest was the opportunity to play on a weekend in a sold out room in NYC. Not only one week but two. The excitement was beyond belief for me. The room was white hot and to play to an A room is just the best thing going...especially if your on your A game. I musty have been I made it into the finals. Between the two weeks of the semifinals and finals a strange and amazing thing happened to me. I woke up early in the morning and much to my surprise I felt something very rare and unusual for me. Known for being moody and depressed far to often....you can imagine how shocked I was to realize that even before anything had happened yet that morinig....I was HAPPY. I have to say that no one was more shocked than me. I have always been a reactive kinda happy person. Something good had to happen in order for happiness to follow. I think living a creative life with objectives and goals has been the reason for this outbreak of smiling and well-being. Being a Mom is fulfilling but the goals and rewards are very long term and sometimes very anti climatic. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the baby slept through the night. Where is the hallmark card for that one. I consider it an accomplishment that my daughter who is 17 has no body piercing or tattoos........Yippppppy. My son cleaned his room Zooooooooowiiiii. The fact that I have a pre teen and teen that are good kids who don't hate me or their dad does make me proud and happy. Just not in the same way. I think the reason for this is that my accomplishments with comedy are all mine. Something that is very rare in my life. I drive the family car... I eat in the family kitchen...TV in the family room. I share my bedroom. Everything I do and have is wrapped up in the people I love the most. Yet the minute I pull out the driveway My own life and personal fulfillment begins. It might seem obvious to any one else but to me having a life for and of my own provides a happiness I forgot I was missing.