Parking for the fun of it.....

Still taking it a bit slower this week. I took Sunday off and worked on Monday I'm off till this weekend when I will be performing as feature in Cherry Hill for the weekend. They offered me a hotel room and I think I might even take it since it will save me on driving and Gas. I was working so hard before I got sick that I have to say that I wasn't having all that much fun up on stage. Not really. If it was a big gig like the show I did for a Temple I had fear and dread until I got up there and got the first big laugh. I also would leave my home feeling truly like this is a job. I found myself not feeling mentally prepared..... I had been feeling this way since my LCS audition in early March. Anemia will do that to you. Yet my sets were good and I was coming up with new stuff once every other week or so and adding an additional 15 or more minutes to my arsenal
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I did a show in the East Village two weeks ago. I dreaded only going there because of the parking. Its horrific down there... WHY?? no really WHY?? does every hipster own a car?( the abobe photo is not my car but will give you an idea of what I did)
I found a spot and I don't know how I did it but I left an 18th of an inch in front and in the rear between me and the two cars. So much so I drew a crowd squeezing my Marrono into the spot. I prayed that one of the two parties would be gone come the end of the night. The guy who runs the bakery on 12th and ave A came out and later gave me a biscotti on the house for doing such an amazing parking job. Sheer will.... it a metaphor for my entire life and comedy career.

The show was run by a wonderful man named Tom. It was his Ladies Gone Funny show. I was the headliner. Tom Hosted and then his opener does a good 15 and then 4 other girls did 8 to 10 and then I closed the show with 30. 30 minutes in NYC is a gift. Lori Summers opened the show. I have always liked her. She was the host of my graduation show I did at Gotham when I took a class there over 5 years ago. I mentioned to her that I had been feeling like I hit a wall so to speak in comedy. That it all felt so hard and I just didn't know what was next and felt very lost for the first time in a very long time. She told me.... Welcome to the 6 year slump. She explained that the steaks had risen and that it was feeling more like work because in fact that is what it had started to become. I'm making money ... My weekends are filling up and I'm a working comic. Not an A Lister or even a C Lister but a working comic. I feature now most every booked gig I get now or headline if it is a group I do especially well with. Its work. The hours, the driving, the bills, the business end....and its a huge adjustment. I asked her what she found helped her when she got to this point and she said. You have to remember when you take the stage that your doing this for the LOVE of it. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm??? Tom had a music stand on the stage. On it he had notes. The room was full with maybe 20 friendly folks including the comics. I made a few notes just in case.... when in Rome. It was a work out space and very fluid. Coming off being sick it seemed perfect. I loved the show. I was not thinking about my set all that much and tried to just enjoy the show. Racquel Diapice was there and delivered a great set as well as a woman named Cara who was amazing and very new. I thought about it. For the love of it. I got up and just had a conversation..... I did my jokes but it really was about enjoying myself and the audience. It became a joy ... As I was up there I thought how wonderful is this that I feel so good up here. I thought of all the work and work and work.... and then there is this. A room full of people and just having fun with them.

I offered a ride to Union Sq to two of the women comics for no other reason for them to witness my amazing mad parking skills. The two cars were still there and a small crowd gathered to see me get out of this spot. I did it .... it might have taken 20 moves but I did it!

So much for the love of it. Not every show is a love fest. But just remembering that I used to do this for the love and fun of it was a huge emotional vitamin for me. Not to forget I am now taking mega doses of Iron and B12 and feeling so so so much better. So I did a show for a rabid audience of a very popular radio hosts pack of wild men. It was outside of Philly and I was one of 10 women in a room of over 200 men in baseball caps who wasn't a porno star or a stripper. I had been booked originally to be the feature in a three man show. The show was changed last minute that morning turned into a birthday party for this radio guy. I was to feature but instead was asked to do 10-15. The show opened very strong.... then a guy from Sales went up and sucked all the air out of the room. I was next to a room that was hardly listing and mostly standing in the back and at the bar talking. Carl was with me to save me from driving in the rain. Yes I still hate that. I was nervous. I knew what I needed to do. I need to pretend I wasn't shitting in my pants. I started out strong.... I lost them for a joke .... I got them back... then a drunken bitch is talking to me. Oy. She is responding to every joke. She is around 24 yrs old trashy and drunk. Her boyfriend looks like he suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome. Out of no where in my mind... I said something I don't even remember what and shut her up..... The room got quiet and they were on my side. I felt like a bully. She was really not meaning any real harm. But she posed a real threat to my entire set dying on the vine. While I had their attention I did my most 2 filthy joke I have. Ones about oral the other about anal. Hey I said they were dirty. The oral one got an applause break. The anal one got mouths hanging open.... "To far" I say to them and sorta save the bit. I finish up with my closer and I feel like I earned a C plus. Later the owner comes up and tells me that he was very happy with my set. A big comic I know from a show I do in Hoboken came up to me and said that I did the best any female could possibly do in that room. I wasn't that happy with it. Carl loved it. He said you never saw your were nervous. You were strong and in control Okay. I went home and when I went on myspace I found out that the show was in fact changed that morning on air. It was to be as much a party as a comedy show. We bolted after my set. The next night would be a regular three man show. We had a nice crowd Id say of 50 people. I was asked last minute to open the show with 25 and then bring up the guy who as supposed to host. He did so poorly the night before they wanted me first. I was asked to then bring up the headliner and he would close out the show and I could leave.

Before the headliner went up he asked me if I could do another 10. I said sure. I did my husband wants to save the planet routine and did great. As I was leaving I was informed that the hotel was hosting a Swingers night that night and that most of my audience was from that group. Well let me say these people I guess know how to have fun! I had a great time. The staff loved me too and the bartender mentioned that he would see that people found out how well I did. The GM of the club thanked me and said he would have me back as soon as he can. So that was cool. Side bar. One night a girl is on her cell phone outside a hotel Im doing a show at. She is stranded and cant get home her boy friend and her had a fight. There is a man in a suit having a cigerette standing near by. She is asking her friend to come get her. She hangs up and shes what 19- 20 . I go over to her and give her $20 for a cab, she askes me for my address to pay me back. I give her my card and tell her dont worry about it. Im a mom and would hope someone would help my kid in that situation. She gets a cab and leaves. The man standing there introduces himself to me and tells me that what I just did was very nice. He told me that he was the GM of the hotel and that if I ever work there again he would be happy to comp me a room. Fast forward 2 years..... the GM of this club is the same guy and he remembers me from that night. Karma People..... lesson learned.

I returned to my home club in the city after being away for two weeks. I have to say that I was really afraid they would forget about me. Actually the owner of the club called me for my avails, since I hadn't been in all week to give them to the club. I was so reassured. I told him to hold me off for another week so I wouldn't mess up his schedule . The head booker of the club actually sent me a myspace email saying he hoped I was feeling better. So whats the big deal you are thinking. Well if your a NYC comic your not thinking that... you know how disposable we all feel. If not us there is a line from here to LA that is waiting for your spot. When a comic dies in NYC people call the gigs on his schedule to offer their services.... or at least that's the urban legend. Like the looking for an apartment by checking the obituary pages.

I returned to the club and it was fleet week. I love it. Every show was packed with handsome young men and a smattering of young women all in dress whites. They were fantastic audiences and I could talk like a sailor if I wanted to. I found myself laughing on stage. Whats this ENJOYMENT? I had in the middle of one show a nasty heckler. He was drunk and alone. He was old and gay and annoying the waitstaff even before the show. I was doing really well..... and then he shouted out. You suck your a fat ugly lesbian who needs to get donkey punched!!! The audience when ohhhhhh. I held my finger up as if to say don't worry I got this. I then Say "Uncle Rob is that you.... when did you get out of rehab, how sweet of you to come to see me ". The audience whistles and claps He says I'm sorry I'm feeling a bit stupid just now. I say.... so you were clear all day and saved your one minute of zen stupidity for me. Oh and by the way I'm not a lesbian not that there's anything wrong with that..... I'm straight. Actually I'm married 25 years just right now I'm not fucking anyone. I then say something else..... probably.... now Shut the fuck up. and finished my set strongly. As I got off the stage and walked down the center aisle I got several high fives.

I went to the pit were the comedians sit between sets and shows and the host of the show tells them how well I handled my heckler. Just the the owner and a bouncer are taking my heckler out of the show room. He had passed out. I heard later he tried to take his pants off on the street in front of the club.
I felt like I had just passed an amazing initiation. I had someone fuck with me and I won. It made me feel like I am what I have strived for all these years. I am a comedian.... in the truest and most real sense of what I think that may be or not be. Hecklers always scared me. I had a stock line I could use as a shield for years.... but they always hurt my feelings on some level all in all I have had 3 or 4 hecklers in 5 plus years of this I deserved more. Hecklers remind me of the mean kid in 8th grade who just when I was having fun or thinking for a second I was cool would ruin it all and make a nasty comment or joke at my expense. Shutting down a heckler feels like in some way I have learned how to deal with bullies. That I am armed with my wit and my microphone and I can take care of myself. Its liberating.

I did a show in Hoboken the other night . I had been away from that room for almost 11 weeks. I had a 6 minute set. I decided that this is my room. There my crowd ... I decided that I had to kill and nothing less. I had fun. I had a ball. I felt in control. It was one of my very best sets I have ever had. I don't know what has happened and maybe its nothing more than getting more red blood cells going. But I feel better on stage than I have in a long long while. I'm smiling more, I'm laughing up there now. I am.... a least... just for now it seems... doing this because this is what I love to do. I will enjoy it while it lasts Im sure it wont. But I will savor it just the same.

Sick and Tired and better again....

I wrote this a week ago and was too sick and tiered to even spell check it no less post it.......
It was a long time coming and it came..... I ran out of gas, Both ends of the candle met, I shot my load, I finished the entire cake, I walked a long walk off the short Pier, I came and I went, I feel off the wagon and got run over, I punched my last ticket. I crashed and burned.... But can I quit NEVER!

I came home a week ago Sunday and went to bed at 4 am as usual... and in the Morning had to get up early to take care of some family business. I was to work that night again in the city and was faced with that horrible question every mom asks herself around 4 pm... Whats for dinner??? Nothing. The fridge, freezer and cupboards were all empty with enough to throw a meal together. I had been meaning to take a nap but the cleaning people were on their way and I had to be up. ( I hired them because Im working so much My home has gottten too much for me and Hell Ive been cleaning for 25 years) Then they showed up 3 hours late and I could have napped. So once I let them in and gave my son the check for them... I headed to my favorite gate of Hell the suburban supermarket. I ran around the store just buying what ever I could just to have somethings to fall back on for dinner for the week. I got a large chicken and figured 2 dinners out of this bird. I picked up some turkey sausage and some fish and ran around like it was a timed cook off on Top Chef.

Just as I was heading around a corner I see someone I don't wish to see. Lets call her Lorraine Hersey. I used to play Mah Jongg with this woman 7 years ago ( before I started comedy) and I have known her for about 18 years. She is one of those people who runs hot and cold. One time you see her she is your best friend .... full of warmth and compliments...the next time its passive aggressive jabs. Always you have to hear how attractive her husband thinks she is, how she lives on the best street in town...the non view side by the way. Or how her job is so important and she couldn't be complete without it ...not to mention the very big salary she earns. In a word shes a pill. So when I saw her on the coffee Isle I decided we don't need any coffee and moved on to the next isle. Somehow 3 isles down I ran into her in front of the salad dressing. I had been annoyed with her since the last two times I saw her she asked me...... So you still doing your thing? My Thing? Yes its a little hobby I have. You know like your jogging 5 miles 7 days a week. My thing.

Why is it that I cant be a bitch at will. Why cant I bite the bullet and just say ... You know what Lorrine I don't really have the time or the patience to speak with you now. Besides your not interested and if you are its just to judge. Ba Bye. She says Hi. I say We always run into each other here, should have said.... I need to find a new place to shop. She says I hate shopping now. I say why is that. She says...everything is so expensive. I should have said.... but your so rich and thin you hardly eat and you can by all the rice cakes you want. No I say ... I got you beat I hated shopping even before when prices were lower. I have hated it for years. Pause, wheres the oriental dressing? She goes into expert mode and recommends a few and is very friendly. Fuck now I cant be a bitch... it would look unprovoked. The conversation move onto her kids and I mentioned my family's ongoing soap opera. Air kiss good bye. Truth is , I don't want an enemy. I'm a pussy. Because I do have enemies People who I detest.The thing is most of them have no Idea I don't like them.... that isn't the nice way to do things....and God Why do I like being so fucking nice. I don't detest this woman she is of no real harm to me. I don't like her because she isn't that nice, has an annoying voice and I feel often that she feels above me. That pisses me off. I also feel that she feels that she is skinny and that gives her an upper hand over me. She feels she is more in control. I do think that running outside when its 4 degrees is an addiction as much as a hobby and life choice. She is so unimportant to me. However if she was warm and seemed happy to see me the entire bad feelings would vaporise. Why do I even think about this.

The shopping took all of an half hour the check out took a half hour just to get to my turn. Attention store managers.... Your store is busy from 4 to 6. People are buying food for dinner..... hire some checkers and a few baggers while your at it...... its feels like this taking forever..... Paper or Plastic....No I need a gun....to take me out of this misery. This store pisses me off because they stare you down to bag your food. I'm tiered you bag it. So there I am bagging my food and I feel Dizzy. I'm sweaty. I pay and leave. I get home and I'm caring in the 15 bags of stuff that makes no rhyme or reason. My list I forgot to bring with me is sitting on the counter laughing at me. I read it.... not only did I forget the list... I forgot most of the items. I forgot the bread so no lunches...good one robin. i forgot the curry to make the soup I was planning on making with the cauliflower I just bought. I forgot the Chinese noodles that go into my Oriental chicken salad ....for the leftover chicken. No orange juice . I did remember cranberry sauce. I got to put it in the pantry along side of the 4 I already have in there.... terrific robin. I start dinner. Chicken cutlets and pasta. I treated myself to the thin sliced ones saving me the hour of slicing and pounding them myself. Done. While I'm cooking I notice how nice the house looks. All clean, everything put away. This will last all of an hour or two. My leg hurts me I get a stool and sit in front of the stove. I'm stirring sauce its 6pm I need to leave for work at 8. I'm stirring and my arm hurts like a dull ache and so does my back. I put up the water to boil . Put the sauce and the cheese on the cutlets and pre heat the oven to finish the meal. I set the dish in the fridge. I'm so tired I think to have a cup of coffee. I calculate my sleep from the night before 4 hours. I need a nap. I turn down the water to simmer put a lid on it and go to my room and hug the mattress. The imaginary referee in my head counts... ONE< TWO, Three four. I fall asleep ... I'm out. Carl comes home in an hour and sees how tired I am. I'm in a ball of sweat. My son had made the pasta and Carl put the cutlets in the hot oven . Dinner is ready its 7:30. I run into the shower. I'm at the table eating in my bathrobe. I eat a few bites I'm not hungry..............................?????????????????............. I get dressed put my make up on. Blow out my hair. Come down stairs and the den is a mess Carl's shoes are on the floor , my sons homework is on the coffee table , newspapers are on the sofa. The dishes are still on the table and so is the left over food. I quickly put foil on the food and shove it in the fridge. I go to put my shoes on and I feel like lead. Every joint hurts and my head is pounding. I had an upsetting weekend with family and a unhappy thought flashes in my head and I pour cold water on it. I grab my comedy book.... I get my coat. I open the garage door and step onto the first of 3 steps. Im on the second one and I turn around. I have so little energy climbing up the one step back into the house feels like climbing a mountain. I start to cry. I cant do it. I cant go to work. I cant drive, I cant think, I cant be funny.... I cant open the door its to big and heavy. I feel tears roll down my face. I open the door and call Carl. I tell him I cant go in. What am I going to tell the club manager? Its 8 pm and I'm supposed to host 2 shows and be on 4 of them. They will fire me. I sit on the stool by the stove and call my boss and tell him. I'm sick I'm hot and week and I don't know whats wrong with me. I think I could be getting the flu. Every muscle is killing me now. He tells me don't worry feel better. Its okay. I am more upset that I might loose my place at the club after all the hard work I have done ....than the fact that I am just about to pass out.

Its three days later and I'm at the Dr's office for the second time this week. I cant keep my head up. I had blood work done earlier in the week and the results showed that I am deficient in all my B Vitamins and that I am severely anemic. I am 5 points away from a transfusion. The rest of the testing isn't done. They should know by Monday. I have been on web md and diagnosed myself with Cancer, an ulcer, Fibromaragiea, Lyme Disease...and MS. That is when I ran to the doctor. So at this second visit they want me to start coming in for a B12 shot and I am taking iron pills for the anemia. I feel like shit. I am sleeping more than I'm awake for these past 3 days. The house has gone to hell....and so have I. I feel like a Hollywood starlets. Suffering from exhaustion. Without the press release or the fancy hospital.

When I get home the phone rings and its the club wanting my avails. I apologise for being sick and suggest they don't book me next week just in case I have to cancel..... I don't want to mess up the schedule. A huge sigh of relief is off my mind. I'm still working there. I am so insecure in this business that I feel I am not allowed to get sick..
I wake up the next morning Friday and call the booker for a show i am to do in Conn on Sat night. I called her when I got sick and told her my situation. She had a comic on hold just in case I didn't feel up to it. Were good friends and I'm a lucky girl to know her. Carl was to come with me so I wouldn't have to do the 3 hour drive myself.

It was hell getting there the traffic was unreal. It was my first time onstage in 6 days. Linda opened the show. Let me say that Linda Belt is one of the classiest women doing comedy that I have met so far. If you think that I'm nice...... I'm a bitch next to this woman. She is very talented and a rare mix of nice to everyone. She is very supportive and would give you the shirt off her back. She is my favorite female comic and we are so alike it feels like narcissism that I like her so much. She's great...shes like me. HA.
I had hoped to sleep in the car. Since the b12 shot and the iron pills I'm feeling alot better. We put our things in the hotel and I just want to go to bed. We had to eat... I just want to nap. I start to panic a bit about the show. I have my Jewish material .... but I feel off. I'm tiered. Nothing like earlier in the week but tiered. We eat and I feel a bit better I have coffee. We get to the show and Linda opens strong. Uh OH. I don't like following her. Shes so dam good. I feel myself getting psyched out. Then she gives me one of the nicest introductions I have ever gotten. I go up hug her and know I have her full support this woman wants me to kill. I do my Jewish jokes and it feels good to be up there. There Jews a bit on the more conservative side and most over 50. I don't curse, I tone it down. Its going well. I have 25 minutes to fill and as I'm up there I'm editing and refining. I leave out some of my normal jokes to make up for the 10 minutes of Jewish humor. The room is lit full and you can see everyone's face. A man around 75 is sleeping in the corner. One woman is laughing so hard shes scaring me. This guy over hear keeps hitting his wife and she is hitting him. Some lady right upfront is smiling but not laughing and nodding her head. Do I need to see all of you???? Go away... I like comedy the way I like sex.... in the dark with maybe a few candles or the bathroom light on...take your pick.

I flub a joke. Actually i did it right and stopped and thought I flubbed it. Oh fuck. I do it over and joke I'm having a senior moment. I finish the show with my standard closer. I end on a strong up note. Linda comes up and hugs me. I go down and go off to the bathroom. I go outside for some fresh air and check my phone. I am cold. I go to open the door of the Temple and the door is locked. While I'm freezing I am re assessing my entire life. So this is what this career is. This is my thing. I got paid very well tonight. I made what I used to make working part time an entire week in one night. I'm cold. Is it worth it. Robin the nerves and the ups and downs. Did that go well? Why did Carl make that face? Linda asked me if I was tiered? Do I look tiered. I see someone through the door I wave my arms they let me in. This is the most I have moved in 5 days.

On the car ride home Carl review my set. You didn't do this joke, where was that one. I had only 25 minutes I had to edit. Did I curse. No. We review. I'm hungry.
Thoughts drift though my head as we drive through the darkness. My parents, my family, my kids, my routine, my jokes, my brother, I pray I'm just anemic. I'm tired. Not physically right now. I'm brain tired. I need to be taken care of for a few days. I need to relax. I need to laugh and not be making others laugh. I need a big warm bed by myself. I need a beach....with no one I know and no one who cares how big my ass is. ... including me.

My brain cant seem to stop. Here I am all night instead of sleeping after last nights gig.... trying to figure it all out. I'm not working again till Thursday. I need to take time off. I'M booked solid till the end of June. I might take July off. Could I? I envy Adam for taking a new path. I have only one path. Work ...try to kill and more work trying to kill. It dawns on me... I'm killing myself. MY body cant do it. I'm too old. I need to figure it out before my body decides for me what I should do. I wish I was Lindsy or Paris... I need the structure of a rehab to figure out what should be next. I am addicted to proving I can MAKE IT in this business. I need to not prove it to myself. I know I'm a comic in every true sense of the word. I need to PROVE it on paper it seems. TO PROVE.... this is MY THING!! And its something!!! No wonder I won the last request contest. I want that Credit. I need Proof.

Epilogue--- I wrote this a week ago and am all better. I have anemia and I need to take iron and got a B12 shots. I had a virus that because I was so run down knocked me on my ass. I started back working last week and did just 2 sets one on Tues and one on Thursday. I then did Bob Levy's room out in Levittown PA on Friday and on Saturday. I am trying to limit myself to 4 nights a week till I feel 100%. I enjoyed doing comedy this week more than I have in ages. I do this for the love of it and working so hard and getting sick isn't any fun.

Last Requests

I have had to deal with the reality of sickness for the past 18 months or so and when challenged by STEVE to write a blog about what my last requests would be if I was about to die sort of hits too close to home. I am tempted to be either tongue and cheek funny or just plain depressing.

I wouldn't want anyting material... what would that do??? I would wish not to Die that would be my request. Im sure thats not allowed....its like getting one wish and wishing for more wishes. So... I know for sure my first request is God if Im gonna die, please make it painless and fast dont even let me see it coming. Illness is a bitch pain is the worst. Treatments and being so sick you wish you were dead isnt for me. I have told my beloved one to fight when in my heart.... I know Im not a fighter and Im not brave and Im not a fraction of what he is. I tell him to fight because I need him. Im afraid of a world without him. I love him so much I cant imagine a world where he isnt in it. On a lighter note....Who will tell me on a regular basis that I am going to be the NEXT huge success. That I am the Funniest woman on the Planet.... who else would love me so much to make up these delusions. So fast and quick is my first request.

Second request could I get a decent TV credit before I go ??? Live at Gotham Maybe or get to perform at Montreal. Just something so when Im gone and my kids tell my grandchildren that arent here yet..... Grandma was so funny she was a Successful Comedian.... ITS TRUE.

I dont want to be thin from Chemo.... but I would like it if Im not so heavy I need extra paul bearers. While were at it I would like my Tombstone to say in a few years after she rests in peace she will be a size 6.... she was never a size 6.

So I went for dark and somewhat funny.

Lastly I have also moved my blog to http://robinfoxcomedy.blogspot.com/ and will be moving each blog bit by bit what a job! Im not leaving the Soapbox entirely..... Lets see if I can even figure out how to do this. I have to say that going back and reading my earliest blogs has been a huge eye opener. I get to see how I got here from there. I found it very inspiring to see how much blind faith and nieeve I was.... I do see that I just did what ever I could not knowing what was the right path. If this helps anyone just starting out on this journey I will be thrilled to have helped in a small way.

Comments are below
Feeling Your Pain...
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 10:23 PM by Al Wagner

We know this isn't an easy time. You and your beloved are in our thoughts...



Robin, OMG
Posted on 04/29/2008 at 09:17 AM by Andy Kaufman

No fair making the old guy cry, but that is what your blog did. When I lost my sister at 36 it was fast, just a phone call one Sunday afternoon and poof. While devastating beyond description, there have been times when I still think she took the easy route. The rest of us have been left to deal with it.

While certainly not chemo-ish, which I simply can not fathom, I have been so frail, fragile and ill for over two years now after the car wreck that fatalism seems one of my constant companions. Pain seems a new member of my family who has to be dealt with like a recalcitrant child, but through the love of my family we are all making it through.

I play a game with my sons....I start a sentence in their voice, talking to THEIR future teen-agers and it goes something like this.."See Old Grandpa Andy over there drooling in the corner, WELL, when I was YOUR age, Grandpa Andy....blank......" and have them fill in the blanks. It is intended for them to see themselves as adults passing along oral family history to their children in the same way it was passed to me.

My last request would be that my book be published. "The Great Adventures Of Being Andy Kaufman" and it be the entire story, not the watered down version I would have to write while alive to ensure some of the stories in there do not get me KILLED. There have been many great adventures and there are Andy stories all over the place, many I have written and many in the memories of those I have been around. I want that finally written and have boxes of failed drafts.

I was moved by your thoughts of beloved. Moved to tears. It is so hard at times to think "who cares for the caretaker" as I see my illness more in the faces of my family then anywhere else. It is almost as if I can get through it but how DARE me deprive THEM of me. I am lucky, I am blessed, I keep being told there is a light at the end of the tunnel and can not imagine how others, who might not, can keep fighting. Robin, my thoughts, prayers and tears are with you.

My last request, well, I have always wanted to play for the Yankees but God apparently outsourced this wish to some Indian Angel who fucked it up and has me unable to play, but managing the "Bad News Bombers". THAT great adventure, well, dancing with the ghosts of my memories

I want to hold a copy of this book I have been noodling for so many years and know it will be the universally interesting story I have always hoped it would be. For you, my un-met friend, I hope you will have already BEEN the funniest woman on the planet.

Love From A Sad, But Smiling Face

Your Pal

Andy



Thanks so much,
Posted on 04/29/2008 at 09:58 AM by Robin Fox

Al I so appreciate your thoughts am compassion. Andy, I am sorry I made you cry. You have been through a living hell it seems and Im so sorry. We do sometime feel like we live for those we love. I am hardly the main caregiver be yes illness has a long hurtful hand. Life is so fragile and fleeting.... all the petty things that knot me into a ball really are taking a back seat, to whats important. I need to enjoy him while he is still here. I cherish each day. I have an i Book computer and the best part of owning it is I can video conference with him several times a week. Its been a wish I didnt even know I had fulfilled. I can only imagine wishing I could only see him and tell him how much I love him and thank God and tecno magic.... I can. I hope to meet you one day Andy.



Crying Is A good Thing
Posted on 04/29/2008 at 12:48 PM by Andy Kaufman

Laughter is only one response to comedy but there are others. Emotional responses, thoughtful ones. I cry often and it is a good thing. Keeps us human I think. I sometimes cry at joyous moments, (My Grandfather Louie called it "kvelling",commercials, movies, cuteness, the simple joy of a smiling child and never apologize for being a man who shows emotions.

My kids tease me about it and when Kevin Costner says "hey Dad, wanna have a catch", the flood gates open.

The fragile nature of life is what makes us appreciate it so much more.

As comedians we have a responsability to be able to draw off emotions, transform energy and reflect it back. Perhaps what makes us work so hard at this solitary craft is the emotional release it gives us.

Thanks for reminding me

Your Pal

Andy

The other night....

I was at the door of the club talking to a comic when a guy walks in- average looking and short. He is with a knock out blonde woman with big boobs...20 years younger than him. I recognize this comic from TV. He is very friendly and nice and so is his girl friend. They speak to the manager and are offered a 5 minute guest spot for him and a 3 minute one for her. Its a full house and she goes up and does the Im such a slut set... IM so Hot.... Its hard to get a meal on a date rape.... Giving Jesus a blow job jokes. It's a train wreck. However the guys are drooling. I later googled her and she has been doing comedy for one year. NY comedy time compared to La comedy time is like age in dog years, the two arent quite equal. We in NY can get on a stage 3 times a night right from the start, be it only an open mic...or not. It cant be done in LA with the lay of the land and traffic. The LA Headliner guy had a solid set. In his set he mentioned being divorced after a 17 yr marriage. He then said after a 17 years of sexually barren marriage he now has a girl friend who will have sex with him up to 3 times a day. He did a funny joke about it too. He closed strong and they left. Does she deserve to be getting this Stage time???? well 3 times a day is alot of work who's to say. Sure in time she could become funny...hey he could write her a joke and who knows?

If you go down the line of male comics married or dating female comics one trend is true. The girls are way way way hotter than this guy could ever get if he wasnt a headliner. These guys are like the shlubby guy married to the hot wife you see on most sitcoms. Sure there are some exceptions. Bernie Paulie is beautiful and very funny and so is her husband Al Dacharme.. so thats not a good example.. I know there are exceptions I just cant think of one right now.

I also have a problem with average looking nice sweet girl comics doing jokes about being sluts. The other night a wonderfu and sweet female comic hosted a show I was on for a charity. She was doing fantastic best I have seen her ever. Then she started doing jokes about sleeping around.... and she lost them. Why, I think it is because she dissapointed the audience and made them uncomfortable with this information. Maybe they thought she had more self respect than that. Her jokes were smart and she was sly and so in control then the slut jokes arrive and she looses them. I think that it shows the audience that she thinks very little of herself and makes them uncomfortable. The jokes were kind of funny but they didnt help her they harmed her and her relationship with the audience. After the set she said to me they dont like the dirty stuff. No they didnt like seeing you as what was dirty. Thats the difference. Im not saying women cant do material about enjoying causal sex... But when its not funny .... its not funny. It for the most part is hard to pull off well. Chelsea Handler does it better than most so does Sarah Silverman, Wait she dates Kimmel. Hummmmmmmm ???

On a totally different topic. I had a gig in PA last night. Or better put I was to have a gig in PA the other night. It had been on my calendar for over 3 months. I was to headline and it payed fantastic money. As time moved on I was offered several other less paying gigs. I turned them all down. Sure enough Monday came and I just wanted to confirm the show. I email the booker and a day goes by I hear nothing. I go to the rooms website and it says no shows upcoming. What!!!! I call the booker. My phone is broken dont text me.... leave a message. I leave a message. Thursday comes and he calls me. It is not his room he just booked me as a favor it seems to this other guy. He will call me back. At noon on Friday I am told he cant reach the guy dont bother coming out. He tells me the other comics cant reach the guy either there not going to show up.

I am so pissed off on how people can be so unprofessional. I will say this again. I have 52 weekends a year to earn money. Don't screw around with me. I don't know what the answer is.

Comments are below
i have to say
Posted on 04/26/2008 at 03:17 PM by Mindy Matijasevic

giving a blow job to Jesus sounds original -- i never heard that before. but if anyone is deserving...



It could be giving a blow job to anyone...
Posted on 04/26/2008 at 05:13 PM by Robin Fox

No "Im such a slut set " is complete without one.



Robin
Posted on 04/26/2008 at 05:52 PM by Andy Kaufman

I love reading your blogs and there is s similar situation here in my town which this reminded me of. This dude, who is a good guy, has been dating a woman who all of a sudden not only decides she wants to be on stage, BUT, he has her working with him deciding who gets booked at one of the "A" rooms in town in their "Legends Of The Future" show. While she actually does have some good stuff and is a nice lady, I am not sure she would be getting the stage time, the attention, and certainly NOT the booking responsibility. Other comics around town are now putting her up on stage not only for her talent, of which she does have some, but because THEY want to get booked in "her" room.

I really have no objections to people sleeping with whoever they want to sleep with but, what I got out of your blog was that comedic talent is not transferred through injection. We're all working hard to get better and your story does not seem to be rare.

On a totally different note. I was booked to do a gig in Texas which was pretty well paying and I had a free airline ticket so what the hell. I have been sick and wanted to get back on stage but when I landed got a message that the gig has been canceled. I do not blame the comic who booked me, he is an amazingly great guy and a good friend. He was just as shocked, but what DOES suck is that the dude who canceled the gig has, to this day, NEVER returned a call asking "Where's my money". I made, literally 10 calls which went unanswered.

If people are going to be assholes, at least face up to it.

My admonition is for folks to return calls. Robin, you work hard for your money, so do we all. Not like we are getting rich just yet but people need to return calls, tell the truth and not fuck people over.

Here's To Hoping Our Paths Cross someday

Your Pal

Andy



Meow Ms.Fox! Put the claws away girl before you hurt someone.
Posted on 04/26/2008 at 06:07 PM by Dave O'Gara

That being said I agree completely.

Also Chelsea Handler is dating one of the big wheel producers over at the "E" channel.

I also have to cop to being guilty of doing the same thing.

I also have a comic friend who is touring with his now girlfriend. She's way hotter than him. He's the headliner she's the feature.

Didn't Lampanelli date a comic from the strip? I guess it happens in both sexes.

Interesting observation I'm glad you made it. It might have come across as sexist if it came from a guy.



Honesty is the key
Posted on 04/26/2008 at 06:10 PM by April Brucker

A lot of these wholesome girl comics talk about being sluts and its hit or miss because it isnt true. If it was true and honest and from the heart those jokes would always hit. In the past few months I have started opening up more and more about a topic onstage that I dont look like I even know the first thing about. However, this problem has made my life a nightmare and is something I know too much about. Because I am telling the truth and because I have had this issue, the material always hits. Though I dont have the I know what I am talking about sign on my head it comes across when I talk. Hope that makes sense. Maybe I dont know what I am talking about. Maybe you all get what I am saying.



My thoughts
Posted on 04/27/2008 at 09:48 AM by Shaun Eli

Some clubs would put her up and others won't. In the long run both comics are probably doing themselves a disservice. He because a club may be less likely to give him a spot in the future, and she because she's being seen before she's ready and thus is less likely to be granted an audition when she is ready.

But really, we all start with strengths and weaknesses in life. Not saying that everybody's add up to the same- some people clearly start off way more advantageous in life than others do. But we make do with what we're given. If she's given beauty and that got her stage time, or he's given a great sense of humor and that got him an attractive young girlfriend... that's what they have.

Robin, you have been given a great sense of humor and a loving, supportive family. Have you considered what advantages that grants you?

And really you have absolutely no way of knowing what that couple sees in each other. He may not care about her looks or age and she may not care that he's a famous comedian.

As far as bookers being unprofessional... in the words of President Bush: "Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me... you can't get fooled again." Well, you know what he meant to say. If someone doesn't treat you well, vote with your feet. You have only 52 weekends to work? Allocate them to those who deserve them.



I agree with you on most parts...
Posted on 04/27/2008 at 10:16 AM by Robin Fox

However with out naming names.....there is a entire slew of women comics who because they are married or date successful male headliners who are getting a Ton of stage time on prime stages. They for the most part are A. Not ready to be up there B. not funny yet or ever and C. Doing the Im such a slut ....comedy hell set. Its not funny and it is the female equal to the male open micer Dick joke set.

as for the bookers trust me I have a very high learning curve...it wont happen twice with the same person.

As for you remarks that I have a great sense of humor and a loving, supportive family giving me an advantage. Lets hope so. I hope that being funny is an advantage. Its when who isnt as funny is clogging up the pipes so to speak ...is when I get a bit miffed. As for my supportive family the other day it was pointed out to me that I say Im a housewife on stage. Arent you a comedian??? My response is Yeah... not I have 2 full time jobs...lucky me. I only wish I could be like my husband and when I was done from work I was done........I am never done. Look in comedy it is never a level playing field. In the end you dont quit and you let what you can actually do on a stage and to a room full of people that counts. Be undeniable and they can 't deny you.



Shaun
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 01:28 AM by Mindy Matijasevic

I really liked how non-judgmental the view you shared was.

Robin, I also see your point. In every field, people with connections get [unfair] breaks -- let's hope not in the surgery field. But it's always been like that in show biz. Also people with money to have all their updated headshots and press kits and stuff are seen as more deserving (talent not considered) than those who use free business cards and such due to less income. Seems backwards to me.



Thanks Mindy for your kind words.
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 06:29 AM by Shaun Eli

To respond to your other point: Spending money on better headshots and business cards doesn't look more deserving but it does look more professional. You can get decent business cards for ten bucks and if you haven't spent ten dollars for business cards people may not make the immediate assumption that you're professional and reliable.

Let me give you an analogy. A guy shows up at your apartment for a first date-- it's Saturday night. You dress up. He shows up in jeans, sneakers, a dirty t-shirt and baseball cap. Do you think he's serious? Or are you disappointed in his appearance?

Yes, headshots are expensive (although there are inexpensive options-- if you have a friend with a digital camera you can take several thousand shots over the course of an afternoon and probably one would be usable). Business cards and press kits? How much does it cost to buy folders at Staples and photocopy a few pages?



Shaun you just showed your age
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 10:33 AM by Josh Homer

Let me give you an analogy. A guy shows up at your apartment for a first date-- it's Saturday night. You dress up. He shows up in jeans, sneakers, a dirty t-shirt and baseball cap. Do you think he's serious? Or are you disappointed in his appearance?

It all depends on the people dating. Just because they do no fit your idea of what a date should dress like does nto mean they are any more or less serious about the person they are taking out.



Actually Josh
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 10:49 AM by Shaun Eli

I'd be happy to go out in jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt... my guess is that Mindy wouldn't like it too much. Mindy-- what's your thought?



Shaun, you have jeans?!?!?!
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 10:56 AM by Josh Homer

I keed! I keed! (I've never seen you in jeans ever).



I am sure all that rowing keeps his RealAge down quite a bit, but Shaun is right.
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 10:47 AM by Sam Garrett

Forget leaving the stand up world. You are a booker and you need someone that's funny but more importantly, will show up ON TIME. And will oh that's right, SHOW UP. That will not RUN THE LIGHT. That won't embarrass you.

No one owes any of us any kind of spot. And what do they have to go on that we won't do those things? How we present ourselves and how we act.

I think Shaun is saying, and I agree with him if he is, that the more professional you look the easier it is for bookers to trust you with their spots. And its our job to make them feel comfortable, not their job to see what wonderful people we are.

If you took the time to make business cards, maintain a website, and dress nice (not in any particular style, but just look like you gave a f$#k) then it is less likely you will embarrass the booker, because you have invested in your future success.

And its the comedian's job to do that first, because if you won't invest in your act why the hell should someone else invest in it by letting you on their stage.



I agree with pretty much every thing Shaun said
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 11:30 AM by Josh Homer

except the jeans example, only because I've never seen him wear jeans. Bottom line is a good look (website, cards, etc) gets you in the door. Laughs get you booked again.



Actually
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 11:50 AM by Shaun Eli

I pretty much wear jeans all the time, except when:

Somebody's paying me and part of the deal is they get to tell me what to wear.

and

On stage sometimes I wear jeans, sometimes chinos. But always a shirt with a collar (button-down or polo), and shoes.



SHOES????????
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 01:25 PM by Andy Kaufman

damn I knew there was a secret.



You step on one nail
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 02:38 PM by Shaun Eli

and you stop going on stage barefoot forever.



That's Showbiz
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 02:23 PM by Adam Sank

It's 99.9% whom you know. That's just the reality of it.

Talent? Brains? Integrity? Work Ethic? Sure, they'll help you have a longer, richer career. But as King Charlemagne sings in "Pippin:"

"A simple rule that every great man knows by heart:

It's smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart."



I almost forgot
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 03:13 PM by Josh Homer

RObin your new picture is great. To me your the librarian saying in the sweetest voice possible, "You know that effing book was due two weeks ago a$$hole"




Posted on 04/28/2008 at 03:54 PM by Mindy Matijasevic

Shaun, thanks for asking for my thoughts. I just don't equate low-income and resourceful with dirty and sloppy, so to me it wasn't a real analogy. (Oh, and I do know how to work around many of the costly things -- I rarely paid for headshots to be taken, but do have to pay for them to be reproduced.)

As far as dating, jeans is not the problem. It would depend on our plans. But I wouldn't welcome dirty. The things that matter to me in a person have little to do with what can be bought in a store. I would, however, want to know the person gave our date thought (joyful thought, not dutiful thought) and seemed as excited about it as I and as concerned that we both feel good. Believe me, I like and need class in a person, but I find it shows in how they perceive and treat others and the world at large; how they handle themselves. I have made the aquaintance of too many well dressed scumbags to fall for the outer stuff. Hope you're not sorry you asked for my thoughts. And I always find it interesting to hear how I am perceived. Jeans and a t-shirt if we were going to walk in the park is fine. I would still look like I cared to wear well fitting jeans, nothing worn, stained, or dirty. And knowing me, I'd probably wear something a bit sexier than a t-shirt, but it depends where we are going and how nuts I was over the man. ;-)



I wasn't equating
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 04:26 PM by Shaun Eli

low income with dirty and sloppy. But there's no reason not to have a great press kit if you have the information to put in the press kit.
(I got folders for five cents apiece on sale at Staples a while back-- I spent about twenty dollars so I have enough to last for a long time.) And, for example, I think many people in the industry would see a business card with the Vistaprint logo on the back and say "This person isn't serious about the business." You can now get blank business card stock that's thick and glossy-- it's less than $20 for two hundred-- and feed it through your printer. I've done this and it looks pretty good.

I produce a show so I get a lot of videos sent to me. And some of them are so sloppy that I have to work hard to get past the sloppiness-- fuzzy, noisy, hard-to-understand, shaky camera work... I know how hard it is to get a quality tape, but if people don't have a quality tape the impression is that they're probably not experienced enough to have a quality performance. And I think most people in the industry hit 'eject' long before I do.

But then I'm a guy who spent over an hour with tape and wite-out and repeated photocopying to take every extraneous smudge and dot out of a newspaper article for my press kit, because I had only one copy of the article and it wasn't that clean to start with.

I work as hard at marketing as I do at writing and performing-- because without marketing I won't have as many places to perform. And one nice-paying gig will buy me a lot of business cards, folders, photocopying and postage.



Hedge your bets...
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 05:16 PM by Robin Fox

Thats how I see all of it. Be Professional if you know how and if not learn. Try to look somewhat put together... I have struggled with what works best as far as wardrobe. At one time I thought looking like the desheveled mom would work for me. I soon found out if it did or not.... I feel more confident when I look nice on stage. I cut my hair because I wanted a sharper look. I booked a headliner for a show. Adam was on it and there were about 150 people in the room. Adam was my MC he showed up in Tuxedo pants and a beautiful shirt and tie and cuff links. He looked like a star. The audience felt like WOW this is gonna be a great show just LOOK at this guy. Adam Killed every time he stepped on the stage! After the show I had as many compliments on Adam as I did for my headliner. My headliner thank God is hysterical and pulled off a set with several applause breaks He Killed.... He looked like he was going to the supermarket on a Sunday. I saw him a week later on Letterman. He had a suit and tie on and a fresh new hair cut.... Maybe he was playing to all of America and needed that edge??? To me this says you dress for confidence. He knew he would kill at my Temple show it was fish in a barrel. Letterman another story...oh and he did. Being funny is a huge advantage but often not enough...it takes alot of other elements. Hard work is needed and very little can happen without it. Since your only as talented as God makes you all you can do is work with what you got ... hedge your self by.... writing more, run your bussiness well, be nice, send a thank you note, dont run the light, be on time......oh and the biggest one of all .....Dont be an ASSHOLE.. No one wants to book one. Do what you can ..... and do it well. If you cant do something today keep trying maybe tomorrow you will be able to. I have been futzing with my website for 9 months now and its getting there. I know I need video up online and as soon as I can figure it out I will. Hedge your bet by not quitting. Im lucky I have lived Plan B. for over 25 years. I have no other choice than to do this.



i never intend to look less than good on stage
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 09:49 PM by Mindy Matijasevic

there's like 3 topics being talked about. lol i'm getting dizzy. people being judged on their seriousness based on free or paid-for business cards; dating; looking good on stage.

even when featured at a poetry reading, i never understood people who seemed to deliberately look bad. it was like some pick their worst items to wear. i often wondered if they felt they had to look bland or bad in order for their writing to be heard and taken seriously. there was a time where it was typical to see a good looking woman as ONLY her looks. so if you were an author and female and wanting to be heard, i can see how one might take that route. however, i never want to look bad on stage. i may look bad when i run to the laundromat or the corner bodega, but not when i'm putting myself in a position for people to look at me -- like on stage. it's not professionalism that drives me, i don't think. maybe some. but mainly, it's vanity. if one was raised by my grandmother, one had to develop an awareness of their appearance. especially the females. this was not just your regular stuff. it was quite overly intense. she was a product of her time and gender. she felt it was her job to make us marriageable, i guess, and she took her job quite seriously. in the right doses, it's not a bad thing. the degree was the problem. anyway, i don't desire to look less than good when people are staring at me. whether it's poetry or comedy, i think people should be expected to be able to enjoy hearing and looking at the same time.

Shaun, I understand everything you are saying, but I still don't judge someone's seriousness by if they needed the free business cards. I judge that as resourceful as do I feel about the printing it yourself idea. However, I know people who don't own computers.

Robin, I love your bottom line -- don't be an asshole. The problem is assholes usually don't think they are assholes, or they actually proudly call themselves one. If only they'd wear a neon t-shirt saying: CAUTION I'm an asshole. That would make a lot of things easier. :-)



Asshole are alot like
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 11:22 PM by Robin Fox

Comics who don't know that there unfunny and not really comics yet and often ever. Self delusion is a bitch.

Bullshit.

A certain person on here thinks hes so very smart. He is making untrue statements and trying to be the victim. Let it be noted by all that.... I have not contacted or made any statements other that what you can read right here and on previous posts. Flipping the tables and making statements that are untrue is a sly form of slander. This person like all those who came before is looking for attention, nothing more. No one comments on his blogs nor pays any attention to him since he got here so now he will sling mud and controversy in hopes to draw attention to himself. Look this guy wears a cow costume....need I say mooooore. I cant imagine any regular person on the Soapbox making fun of a fellow comedian who is suffering in the last stages of cancer. If they are doing this....they should be called out...period. I know far to personally that life precious and that Cancer and someones suffering is not funny. I find it disgusting that someone has nothing better to do than to act like a child and draw attention to himself in such a shitty fashion, by implying that some nameless person ..... insert me or any other of those who he has a problem with..... would do such a thing. This from a man who asked us to imagine Adam choking on someones man hood and Sam and his girlfriend being in a car crash. After I mentioned that he made fun of dead people on his website he told me that he hopes I can stretch my legs that far in bed...... Then he took down all his comments when someone mentioned that he had gone over the limits and should be banned. I wish he kept them up...they spoke for themselves. But hiding now saying people are making fun of someones suffering and not calling them out..... I find diabolical. Either say who.... or shut up. He wants you to hold all of us suspect and is holding our entire community in disrespect. So Jon.... either call the person or persons out to the light of day and let us deal with them or shut up. Your amazing because I swore I wouldnt engage you anymore but your implying I and others have done something without a shred of proof and painting all of us with the same brush stroke had to be addressed. Life is far to short for this crap! I have a brother holding on for dear life right now and the outpouring of love and caring I have gotten from the people on this site has been overwhelming. For you to imply without any proof that anyone would profane a fellow comic with cancer and make it look as if your a victim of us not liking you is beyond my comprehension. .

Comments are below
T?hanks Robin
Posted on 04/22/2008 at 01:01 AM by Sam Garrett

I have never sent any private email or message of any kind to him. This new bloggers are like teenagers with cars. They just drive crazy until someone gets hurt then its all the other person's fault.



Brilliantly Written
Posted on 04/22/2008 at 09:47 AM by Andy Kaufman

But I have come to HATE my dog because at times she reminds me of all my own failings. Poorly trained, ill-mannered, crying all night, and howling at the moon (which actually IS something we have in common), slobbering for attention.

I often wonder if I had beaten her into submission at a much earlier age if she would just stay in her cage and come out only to occasionally lick my hand.

But Sparky has also been a constant companion during my recovery. Dumb, but somehow knowing that just be being there I was taking some comfort.

I did not get her at the Brilliant Friends League. She sits at the foot of my bed on bad days and just can't wait for me to offer her some attention. The slower I move the more she seems to try top push me a little faster and somehow she knows my limits better then I do.

The support I got and get for my stupid malady can never compare to those in real pain. The support I got when my anonymous stalker appeared HERE was inspiring and so is how you are handling this as if my distant voice could make any difference.

Love From Current Sedation but Soon to Be Doing Handsprings

Your Pal

Andy



ahhh Robin
Posted on 04/22/2008 at 09:58 AM by Josh Homer

this new turn of events makes me miss good old Ravi (not the Ravi-Grams combo though), at least with Ravi you knew what was up and he was cooky but never wished ill on anyone.



huh
Posted on 04/22/2008 at 04:26 PM by Mark Anundson

I miss alot on here. Robin you're still my favorite.

Is there such a thing for a new comic to be working too hard?

And the burning the candle at both ends award goes to me.

If you read this blog or know me you are aware of just how out of control and unbalanced my life is. Nothing in my life other than my children ever took this much work and dedication. I will spare you the complete laundry list of how busy I am.... but lets just say that I am working 5 nights a week taking Mondays and Thrus off. Once every six weeks or so its 6 nights a week. And yes I once worked 14 days in a row. I spent so many nights struggling for stage time that now that I have it I feel I need to do it. I did have to actually start to consider if it is worth doing Everything offered. I was offered a gig at a major comedy chain in WEST VIRGINIA... It would mean being gone 5 nights and driving 1000 miles for $400. I turned it down. I have to work smart as well as hard now... I have very little Hard left. My personal life is at an all time low. Lets just say the 30 balls I keep in the air at one time are hitting the floor fast and hard...taking a toll on me.

I can compartmentalize my life and keep personal and performer apart most of the time. Lets just say that both lives right now are at odds. I am faced with Sophie Choices all the time. The stress is horrible. Yet my performances are getting better and my writing has been flowing more than it has in months. I have never been more fulfilled in one area of my life and so empty and alone in others.

I am exhausted. I am emotionally drained. It never gets easier doing stand up it just gets different. I am strong on stage, Im fearless and can do crowd work and zig and zag...I am getting lighter on my feet and can do the rope a dope, I am undefeated and I know that if I dont slow down........ Im gonna get knocked out and wind up with parkensons from the blow to the head.

I need to work 2 nights during the week and 2 nights on the weekends yes to me thats cutting down. Truth be told..... Right now Id like to run away from my real life and just do stand up day and night and not have to think about the mess my life feels like right now. Comedy is my haven and my prison. I am obsessed and driven..... I am in denial and dellusional. I cant see the forest for the trees.... I cant tell if Im in a forest or a desert.

Comments are below
It's Funny, Robin
Posted on 04/09/2008 at 02:21 PM by Adam Sank

You and I are at such different places at the moment. I am consistently turning down gigs these days because I simply don't want to do them.

My priorities have changed dramatically. I'm more concerned with having a good life these days than with having a good comedy career. I look back over the last five years and am struck by how little time I have spent just doing things I enjoy with people I enjoy... instead of sitting in the back of a dark room waiting to go up and do 10 minutes in front of a bunch of strangers.

I still love performing, getting attention, being creative and so forth. But I just have no patience for all the crap that comes with it at the moment.

Life is about choices. If your choice right now is stand-up above all else, I support you 100%.

But do be careful about missing those trees...



Other than comedy right now...
Posted on 04/09/2008 at 02:41 PM by Robin Fox

Nothing in my life is enjoyable. Home is work Family is me helping everyone and nothing in return....they cant either through health or age or their own busy lives. Friends....??? If I want to see them its entertaining them and having them over and cooking and more cleaning. I do have a freind or two to go for a cup of coffee. But then the pain just spills out and its not coffee its Therapy. The friends I enjoy most are in comedy. I try to ask other women in my situation what they do and I have come to find out...... there arent many in my situation. No wonder there are so few middle aged Moms doing Stand up.... its like putting a camel through the eye of a needle. I often wonder why people quit. Is it from lack of progessing? Is it they wake up and figure out they arent funny? Or is it that the toll is to great? I would love to have someone show me how this is all done. I cant find the balance. Truthfully to do this with the life I have I think there can be no balance. It is making a decision what balls will have to fall and what will be held.



comedy does exact a toll
Posted on 04/09/2008 at 06:59 PM by Brent Dawson

comedy has cost me family members, friends, a marriage, promotions, etc.

it is such a painful journey for many (many of my friends have suffered the same fates) and i'm not always sure why that is so.

the most important question i asked myself and continue to ask myself, amid the cavalcade of other questions (is this worth it, why do you continue to subject yourself to such ridicule, why am i driving 400 miles to perform in bowling alley,...)was, at the end of the day, which choice makes me more me? if being me has consequences, i can live with that.



So its just Brent and I
Posted on 04/10/2008 at 10:12 PM by Robin Fox

Who are working too hard and are off balance. I have seen Adam in the past burn the candle too but he it seems has seen the light....and not the red one.

I have a local tv ala waynes world show this Friday night. I thought it would be an all night thing and now I see I will be done by 8 :45pm . My first thought is should I call this one or that one to see if I can get a spot. Carl is busy and its a perfect night to work. It is also a perfect night to meet a friend and go for a cup of coffee or a drink. Perfect to talk to my daughter or go to bed at a decent hour. Will see. I thought it was going to be a 10 minute set for this thing and now Im told 5. I hate 5. 5 in someways for me is harder than 45. I hate feeling before a set that I dont want to do it.....and especially for now pay. And giving away material when I know someone will profit and not me. 5 I HATE 5.



Hey Robin, YOU ARE BIONIC
Posted on 04/13/2008 at 01:04 AM by Lorali

Lorali here. We worked together 2 years ago. I'm a wife and mother and have run at least 4 rooms over the last 6 years. I take a break whenever my life gets out of balance. And that's easy to figure out. If I start doing my set at the supermarket, I need a break. The second I use my child in a bit, break time. And if I'm not having fun, I have to have a break. We worked together at RB's Tex-Mex(on the Westside of NY).



Sure I remember you!
Posted on 04/13/2008 at 03:08 AM by Robin Fox

It was one of the most memorable nights of comedy I will ever remember. It was a Soapbox show. Funny thing was no one who was a regular on the soapbox was on the show. I barked for several hours standing in 90 degree heat infornt of a running icecream truck....shouting out a specific barker script. For hours on end. Who was going to put me up otherwise at that point in time. When I was rushed into the room I was on the street one second and on the stage in the next with just a tiny bit of time for a pee break. I killed! I remember many of the comics watching saying wow your funny....very shocked in fact. I see a few of them still working. What I proved to myself that night is how bad I wanted in place in comedy. No one would put ;me up in the city.... That was then and look, I worked and worked and worked and today I am passed at several clubs and working more than I can keep up with sometimes. I dont know how I did some of the things I did back then. I had no plan B i guess!!! I never saw you perform Lorali.....but you were a most amazing barker!!!! You had it down to an art form. Glad to hear from you glad you remembered me.



I am happy to report
Posted on 04/15/2008 at 01:52 AM by Robin Fox

That Im only working 2 nights this week. I need a break. Im exhausted. I have a very intense and emotional week coming up and need to take it a bit easier. I have to cook for the holiday .... the shopping and cleaning and all that goes into making this is more than enough work for me. I need to pull back for a few weeks. I need to write more and work on a press kit and my website that looks like shit right now. On the stage I have grown and become a comic that I want to be for a club crowd. Now I am working on writing material that is just as funny but for corporate shows. I want to get on a cruise ship and do gigs for large womens groups and the goal of being hysterical and clean is really daunting. Also finding the right venue to do these jokes and practice them is a challenge too. For now the work will be done sitting down (writing) a bit more and less standing up.



Comedy will Kill Me
Posted on 04/17/2008 at 08:12 PM by Andy Kaufman

I am not burning the candle at both ends, I am also burning it in the middle. I know it is my destiny to be killed by my comedy. I am down to two or three shows a week and my energy level is not what it used to be, but that is because I have a torn apart and re-built body which I will rest when I am dead.

My family has been magnificent and I rest when I need to. I am a housewife, a school teach, a Dad, a student, disabled, hurt and ready to go the distance. I am looking forward to the road.

Comedy will kill me.

Your Pal

Andy

UPDATE PART 2 of- Just go up there and have fun hmmmm?

UPDATE PART 2 of- Just go up there and have fun hmmmm?
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 01:45 AM

I really don't like to audition. Not to say that I will turn one down .... I'm not crazy. So what is it that I hate about it. I spent a few years as the contest queen. I did over 5 of them. Most with multiple rounds and they were very intense. Why did I do so well at them and at auditions I feel totally stressed. I think it is because my goal in a contest is just to do my best. An audition feels like there is so much riding on it.... Maybe it is just that I psych myself out.

My very first audition was for a club in the boondocks of NJ. There was to be an open call for comics and I was the only one who showed up! So there I stood on a small stage and performed for the owner and his wife. I never got a call back..... who beat me out for the gig. Actually the room got passed off to another Booker and he on the first guys say so booked me.

I did another audition where I did very well but the Booker told me that his non existent partners did not think I was right for the room. My favorite kind of audition was when I met Bob Levy and he invited me to do a guest spot with him on a show he was doing in South NJ. When I got there he had arranged for the owner of the room to watch me the next night. Bobs audience are rabid, very male, and the kind of audience that wants it fast funny and raw. So the suburban Mom hit the stage and shocked everyone and herself even more by hitting it out of the park!!! The owner loved me and I have been on rotation ever since.

Really my favorite way to audition is to just be given a spot on a regular show. I got passed at the two clubs in the city this way. The first time I was on a show that Adam produced. The GM of the club was there and it wasn't an audition. He liked what he saw and told me to send in my avails. At the second club I was also doing privately produced show at this club and after was introduced to the owner. He asked me a few questions and then told the guy running the shows to put me up on the next open spot. I got up and id a set and they watched me. They put me up on the next show and watched me again. At the end of the night I was asked for may avails. I only wish every opportunity could be like this. I never saw these auditions coming .... I just was doing what I do and it just organically came to be. Unfortunately most auditions aren't like this. They are a set amount of time and often you are one of dozens performing under all kinds of crazy conditions. Last year I had two other auditions one for the Las Vegas Festival and the other for a TV production company. They were back to back one on Tuesday and the other on Weds. Tuesday morning I learned of my loved ones health situation. I did the shows but I just wasn't there completely. I had less than stellar sets. I was too upset with my personal life to even feel upset about it.

Last month I was fortunate to be offered a booked Audition for Last comic Standing. How do you narrow down your entire essence to a 2 minute set? Many figured that out.. I didn't. I was the very first booked audition in NYC. How that happened I have no Idea. I sat in the wrong chair. My appointment was for 8:30 and the people who were scheduled for 8 went on after me. But hey in the end it was a long shot.... and just avoiding having to stand on line was a prize in its self.



Tonight I am auditioning for the Montreal Comedy Festival. I found out this past Thurs afternoon. I spent my weekend performing and wracking my brains out how to do the best 6 minutes I have. I met with a friend on Friday and we spent over 2 hours trying to flesh out the set. Saturday night I produced a show at my Local JCC. They have been doing a comedy night for the past 8 years and I was producing this show for the very first time. Feed back from the JCC is that it was the very best show they have ever had. Adam hosted and Karith Foster and Al Lubel where on the bill. I chose to not perform. I have been very stressed out and really needed to just produce the night. I thought I would be chomping at the bit to get up there but for the first time maybe ever.... I was happy to just watch a great night of Stand-up.

Sunday came and I hit it hard. I did 5 shows and schlepped out my old 1988 mission impossible cassette recorder. I have never taken a tape recorder to the clubs. I have to say I have short changed myself by not doing this. I listened to the tapes and graded each joke. I then strung together the best jokes and wrote a set list. When I looked at the list of the jokes that seemed to be the ones on the tape that did the best I noticed something. They weren't my favorite or funniest jokes. Now I'm totally confused. I hate showcase sets and auditions . You have to make these Sophies Choices about your material and I think I am too close to my own material to really be objective. UGGGG Never mind actually performing the set. Am I loose and I focused?? Is may essence coming through?? DO I appear nervous??? Am I totally stressed.



I have a DVD that I did for Comcast on Demand its 7 minutes long. It is to date the best performance I have recorded. Is it the funniest? I have killed alot harder. The thing about this DVD that I love is this. You get me. My essence is there. What sets me apart is there. The best part that I see is that I am enjoying myself. I dug out the DVD and watched it. It was a perfect set. I wrote the jokes down and made a set list and got in my car and went to the city to see how it would fly. I had 4 fantastic shows last night. Diverse audiences and most of all I really tried to relax and just appear that I was having fun. I have my set list and now its just time to do it! So tonight is the audition. I got my lineup email today and I'm going 5th which is great! I am the queen of getting the second to last spot. They are predicting torrential rain and I am afraid to drive in this situation. My husband is taking the afternoon off to drive me there.

I am going to assume that it is just a spot. I have heard it is rare to get Montreal on the first try. My goal is to just act like its a taping. I want to get a great tape. If I think too much about what getting this would mean to my comedy career I will be too pressured and if I know me I will not look like I am having fun. I will not show my essence and I will be doing myself a disservice.

-----------------------------PART 2----------------------------------------- Carl decided to drive me to Philly. For those of you who read this blog know that I fear driving in strong rain. They were predicting a downpour and I was stressed as it was to do this audition. I took a nap in the afternoon and we left our home at 4. We would be hitting rush hour and wanted to avoid it if we could. The weather held out and we got there and parked and ate at a small Italian place next to Hellium Comedy club. As we were eating dinner I started to feel very anxious and went into the bathroom and cried for about 15 seconds. I have a tremendous amount of stress in my life off stage. I am still a mom of a teenage son and I have a daughter in college and husband and home and a dog to care for. I have elderly parents and other family issues pulling on me each and everyday. Somehow the stress of this audition was getting to me. Carl recently has been coming with me to my weekend shows and tonight decided to leave work and spend the time with me. He knew just what to say to calm me. My real issue is one of feeling focused. When I feel focused I know I can do the job. Somehow today I just felt hormonal and nervous. I decided to calm down. Getting the festival isn't what matters. It was an honor to be asked to do this. There were 15 or more comics and I was the only female invited. I decided to just use the set to re introduce myself to this wonderful club and look like I was having the best time doing it!

Sidebar-

My favorite part of getting a big gig is this. The email or phone call. Robin are you available to do this show on xyz date???? I love emailing or calling them up and saying YES! Then I LOVE writing the date on my computers calendar in its pretty BLUE FONT! Everything after that is work, and stress and driving and worrying. Sometimes if I am on the stage and Killing its fun but not till them. The worry for the KILL is nerve wracking. My next favorite part is saying onstage. IM ROBIN FOX and putting the mic in the stand and getting off. Getting paid and leaving are fun too. The travel switches it back to sucking.

So shut up Robin and tell us how you did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I KILLED. I Nailed it. I hit it . I did it! I had some fun doing it too once I got my first big laugh. I didnt feel all that focused but I was well rehearsed and I just forced myself to go slow and to smile and to look like there was no other place on this planet I wanted to be more than on that stage. I never ever have worked so hard for one set since I began and all I can say is thank God I did. I have no control if it will be a good day for me when I have an audition! I have no control of how I will feel or if I will be stressed. I worked out every kink I thought I could before hand and went up there well prepared. I had a set...set I told myself SMILE relax.... enjoy this..... stay here and now. It all worked! Now the rest is up to the people who decide and God knows what else.

I must have put in 40 or more hours on this one set. I did 9 shows and taped everyone of them and listened to the different jokes later at night. I graded each joke with a score based on the response it got on the 9 shows and like a baseball team I made my line up. Sorry, Two in Diapers joke you didn't make it... come back next year and audition again. Vibrator joke your a hack and we really can't use you for this.....maybe at the next show at Therapy, dont call us will call you. Make ballon Animals... Im sorry your just not right for this show. Spanking come right in.... sit in the V.I.P lounge can I get you something to drink while you wait? Ransom note joke..... Your very funny but were very sorry we just dont have enough time in the line up for you. Thanks for auditioning. Ba Bye.

Will I get it??? When will I know??? I dont know the answers to these questions yet. What I do know is this.... It was a successful show and I am very happy. I changed my mind set before the show to this. I am here and its an honor. I am the only woman asked out of 15 comic. This is a chance to show this club I can do a very funny almost except for one curse " Clean set" In the end it was very good that I did this. I was able to talk face to face with the booker and clarify some things with her. When I first did the contest 2 years ago they asked me if I liked hosting. At the time it was a NO. I let them know I would be delighted now to host and they got a chance to see how I have grow and developed in the past 2 years.

Thanks to all of you who sent me the nicest wishes on the blog page and by email. It was wonderful to feel that the home team was rooting for me. I am Blessed. xo

Comments are below

Posted on 03/04/2008 at 12:12 PM by Jill Twiss

You'll be amazing. Have a great show and then come back and tell me all about it!



go get them Robin!
Posted on 03/04/2008 at 12:37 PM by Josh Homer

and keep us in the loop.



I didnt even know who I was till I was 40 Josh.
Posted on 03/04/2008 at 12:45 PM by Robin Fox

I think living your life brings out a stronger sense of who you are. Also most of my material is semi autobiographical. I really should be listening to my tapes right now and writing my set list over and over.... or taking a nap... instead I am on the Soapbox blogging and playing Keno Pop on Pogo. Self sabotage?? Or just trying to say calm???



Just Another Set...
Posted on 03/04/2008 at 01:10 PM by Al Wagner

I used to joke that the only advantage to auditioning before you're ready is that you're used to playing to three people who don't look interested.

But you'll be great...because you already know the key is to treat it like any other show. You know how to handle that. Have a safe trip, and a great, fun set.



Go Robin!
Posted on 03/04/2008 at 05:41 PM by Sam Garrett

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!



can't wait to hear the report
Posted on 03/04/2008 at 09:53 PM by Mindy Matijasevic

:-)



Yes!
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 09:25 AM by Kantad Svendsgaard

Congratulations Robin. We all knew you would do well - and the preparation really helped. Good to see that, maybe I can learn something from your hard work!



congrats Robin!
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 12:10 PM by Josh Homer

don't forget the little people when you blow up.



Glad to hear you did well
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 01:30 PM by Dave O'Gara

I knew you would.

I prefer an audition to submitting tapes that never get watched. Or get judged by some weird criteria that has no bearing on the funny (someone in my staff said your delivery was too slow).



Huzzah!
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 01:49 PM by Adam Sank

So great to hear you nailed it, babe. And now, no matter what happens with the festival, you can be proud of yourself. You did your very best, and that's far more important than the result.

That said... I HOPE AND PRAY YOU GET IT, BABE!!!



thanks for the update!
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 04:02 PM by Mindy Matijasevic

and congrats! great that carl's presence works for you. and i found it interesting to read how you prepared.



Thanks everyone...
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 04:23 PM by Robin Fox

I am so happy to have this behind me.. I really worked my very hardest for this one. It was great having Carl there to support me and to encourage me. Mindy- thanks so much for mentioning that you found it interesting how I prepared. The soul reason for me blogging is to share what my journey is like. The nuts and bolts of doing this interests me very much. Sharing what I find works for me gives me great satisfaction and if it helps another comic all the better!



"The soul reason for me blogging is to share what my journey is like"
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 04:36 PM by Shaun Eli

Ah, the cleverness of that error.



Sole....
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 04:48 PM by Robin Fox

It took me 3 minutes to figure out what you meant. Im funnier than I even know I guess.



some "errors" are beautiful
Posted on 03/05/2008 at 10:31 PM by Mindy Matijasevic

i believe pennicillin was an accident. and probably many of us were too.



I was an accident...
Posted on 03/10/2008 at 08:44 PM by Dave O'Gara

and check out that gorgeous mug. *Swak*