Last Requests

I have had to deal with the reality of sickness for the past 18 months or so and when challenged by STEVE to write a blog about what my last requests would be if I was about to die sort of hits too close to home. I am tempted to be either tongue and cheek funny or just plain depressing.

I wouldn't want anyting material... what would that do??? I would wish not to Die that would be my request. Im sure thats not allowed....its like getting one wish and wishing for more wishes. So... I know for sure my first request is God if Im gonna die, please make it painless and fast dont even let me see it coming. Illness is a bitch pain is the worst. Treatments and being so sick you wish you were dead isnt for me. I have told my beloved one to fight when in my heart.... I know Im not a fighter and Im not brave and Im not a fraction of what he is. I tell him to fight because I need him. Im afraid of a world without him. I love him so much I cant imagine a world where he isnt in it. On a lighter note....Who will tell me on a regular basis that I am going to be the NEXT huge success. That I am the Funniest woman on the Planet.... who else would love me so much to make up these delusions. So fast and quick is my first request.

Second request could I get a decent TV credit before I go ??? Live at Gotham Maybe or get to perform at Montreal. Just something so when Im gone and my kids tell my grandchildren that arent here yet..... Grandma was so funny she was a Successful Comedian.... ITS TRUE.

I dont want to be thin from Chemo.... but I would like it if Im not so heavy I need extra paul bearers. While were at it I would like my Tombstone to say in a few years after she rests in peace she will be a size 6.... she was never a size 6.

So I went for dark and somewhat funny.

Lastly I have also moved my blog to http://robinfoxcomedy.blogspot.com/ and will be moving each blog bit by bit what a job! Im not leaving the Soapbox entirely..... Lets see if I can even figure out how to do this. I have to say that going back and reading my earliest blogs has been a huge eye opener. I get to see how I got here from there. I found it very inspiring to see how much blind faith and nieeve I was.... I do see that I just did what ever I could not knowing what was the right path. If this helps anyone just starting out on this journey I will be thrilled to have helped in a small way.

Comments are below
Feeling Your Pain...
Posted on 04/28/2008 at 10:23 PM by Al Wagner

We know this isn't an easy time. You and your beloved are in our thoughts...



Robin, OMG
Posted on 04/29/2008 at 09:17 AM by Andy Kaufman

No fair making the old guy cry, but that is what your blog did. When I lost my sister at 36 it was fast, just a phone call one Sunday afternoon and poof. While devastating beyond description, there have been times when I still think she took the easy route. The rest of us have been left to deal with it.

While certainly not chemo-ish, which I simply can not fathom, I have been so frail, fragile and ill for over two years now after the car wreck that fatalism seems one of my constant companions. Pain seems a new member of my family who has to be dealt with like a recalcitrant child, but through the love of my family we are all making it through.

I play a game with my sons....I start a sentence in their voice, talking to THEIR future teen-agers and it goes something like this.."See Old Grandpa Andy over there drooling in the corner, WELL, when I was YOUR age, Grandpa Andy....blank......" and have them fill in the blanks. It is intended for them to see themselves as adults passing along oral family history to their children in the same way it was passed to me.

My last request would be that my book be published. "The Great Adventures Of Being Andy Kaufman" and it be the entire story, not the watered down version I would have to write while alive to ensure some of the stories in there do not get me KILLED. There have been many great adventures and there are Andy stories all over the place, many I have written and many in the memories of those I have been around. I want that finally written and have boxes of failed drafts.

I was moved by your thoughts of beloved. Moved to tears. It is so hard at times to think "who cares for the caretaker" as I see my illness more in the faces of my family then anywhere else. It is almost as if I can get through it but how DARE me deprive THEM of me. I am lucky, I am blessed, I keep being told there is a light at the end of the tunnel and can not imagine how others, who might not, can keep fighting. Robin, my thoughts, prayers and tears are with you.

My last request, well, I have always wanted to play for the Yankees but God apparently outsourced this wish to some Indian Angel who fucked it up and has me unable to play, but managing the "Bad News Bombers". THAT great adventure, well, dancing with the ghosts of my memories

I want to hold a copy of this book I have been noodling for so many years and know it will be the universally interesting story I have always hoped it would be. For you, my un-met friend, I hope you will have already BEEN the funniest woman on the planet.

Love From A Sad, But Smiling Face

Your Pal

Andy



Thanks so much,
Posted on 04/29/2008 at 09:58 AM by Robin Fox

Al I so appreciate your thoughts am compassion. Andy, I am sorry I made you cry. You have been through a living hell it seems and Im so sorry. We do sometime feel like we live for those we love. I am hardly the main caregiver be yes illness has a long hurtful hand. Life is so fragile and fleeting.... all the petty things that knot me into a ball really are taking a back seat, to whats important. I need to enjoy him while he is still here. I cherish each day. I have an i Book computer and the best part of owning it is I can video conference with him several times a week. Its been a wish I didnt even know I had fulfilled. I can only imagine wishing I could only see him and tell him how much I love him and thank God and tecno magic.... I can. I hope to meet you one day Andy.



Crying Is A good Thing
Posted on 04/29/2008 at 12:48 PM by Andy Kaufman

Laughter is only one response to comedy but there are others. Emotional responses, thoughtful ones. I cry often and it is a good thing. Keeps us human I think. I sometimes cry at joyous moments, (My Grandfather Louie called it "kvelling",commercials, movies, cuteness, the simple joy of a smiling child and never apologize for being a man who shows emotions.

My kids tease me about it and when Kevin Costner says "hey Dad, wanna have a catch", the flood gates open.

The fragile nature of life is what makes us appreciate it so much more.

As comedians we have a responsability to be able to draw off emotions, transform energy and reflect it back. Perhaps what makes us work so hard at this solitary craft is the emotional release it gives us.

Thanks for reminding me

Your Pal

Andy